The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
