There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
