the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
