I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Someone shattered a urinal.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
