I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
