Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
