Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
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would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
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Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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