Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
