Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
