I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
