i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
