His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
