sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
