I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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