it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
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We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
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A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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