she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
