Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
