I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
