i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
