there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
