i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
