I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
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After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
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I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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