We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
