oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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