I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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