So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
