your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
