My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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