I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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