I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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