at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
