your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
