It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
True but thats because hes a fetus.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
