peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Someone came in the potted fern
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
