Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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