Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
