Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
