Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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