Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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