a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
