I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
