I like my sex mixed with concussions.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
