my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize