People in love make me want to vomit
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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