porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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