If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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