i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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