the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
