weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
