dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
