WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
