He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
