is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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