i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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