it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
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yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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