Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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