He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
