Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
