4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.