I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
